BRACE FOR IMPACT!

Mayday! Mayday! Scientists [us] have detected a massive asteroid [Sholto Broderick of Basket Range Wines] on a collision course with Earth [Paranormal Wines]! The probability of impact? Certain! The consequences? An explosion of brand-new powerhouse wines, free for the tasting! Set your watches, gather your loved ones, and make your way to the ship on Saturday, 15th July from 3pm for the best chance of experiencing greatness.